by Arianna Schifman '21
It almost counts as day now I almost talk myself into sleeping
It just gets harder as the daylight advances My eyes drag to the light, keeping watch On clawed shadows the wind ropes into its dances
I could wish away this dreadful night
Lying in syrupy drowsiness Almost letting myself drown, and then- Something clicks. Or scrabbles, or vents, or shifts- And I gasp a heaving breath again
That won’t help
It doesn’t change anything whether I’m awake or not Why am I so desperate to wallow in what’s coming?
I’m not alone here
I’m not alone here I don’t have to be alone, there are so many near
But they are all sleeping
They are safe for the night
I am not.
It would be selfish of me to condemn them for the sake of company
So I am alone
If I cry out they will run to my aide They will help me They will fail They will live the same pain
But I will screw shut my eyes and make like I’m asleep And I’ll not draw my breath to weep Something beneath carelessly breathes, And listens close as my fragile chest heaves