Dear {Blank}
by Cassie Schifman '18

This is an exercise in self control in an uncontrolled medium: see
I once stayed over without my toothbrush floss or toothpaste and
Despite your kind offer I simply did without, realizing
That I would rather fill my mouth with cavities than with something not my own
And really, I feel the same way about poetry as I do about plaque (a necessary evil)
Because no one says lend and does not mean give or
Borrow and does not mean steal or
"Dear lord I am on fire" without expecting me to put it out.

So let's talk about the City on the Hill with the unscalable Tower
With a Princess who solves her own damn problems
Let's abolish the notion of fairy tales from the outset
From this moment on we each deserve more than just a sentence in your narrative
(This is all just something pretty to say to keep me from getting bored, really
To prevent me from wondering whether the voice behind the curtain
Is really me or whether it was you all along...)

This version of unconventional is what I think I'm supposed to want
It's what I want to want
To be solely my own
Wholly self determined and self involved and just a little bit selfish
Or if not, shouldn't I (by which I mean we) be something brightly dark
​Some cold contrasting color that doesn't make sense
Isn't the point the opposition, the conflict
The part where one of us ends up bruised and the other runs away with the crown?

Isn't that what makes sense? Isn't that what's exciting?

The problem is that I don't want to be the Princess in the Tower who saves herself
I want to be the one who can, who possesses that ability
But doesn't need to

I do not want to be Ice and Fire
I want to be Fire and Fire
I want to be consumed by the simplicity of sameness
Of something that is not stolen self identity
Or a line of someone else's prose
But which feels like the things I brought anyway:
A fire extinguisher
Free verse formed into contained thoughts
And a toothbrush which is all my own.